Work Sucks
Reply All Is a Weapon and Some of You Should Be Disarmed
One accidental click and 400 people know you think Linda's potato salad is "a little wet." Respect the button.
Welcome to the Throne Room
Useful Shit. Useless Opinions. Zero Apologies.
Shirts, hats, mugs and bathroom reading for men who laugh at the wrong time and still say "pull my finger" at forty-seven. Ruled from a golden toilet by The Chief.
The Shop
The Shop
Everything's printed to order, shipped to your door and guaranteed to make your mother-in-law sigh out loud. Wear it to the cookout. Drink from it in the meeting. Stick it on the toolbox. You know the drill. You own four of them.
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The Chief Tee — Chief Shit Talker
Price range: $15.08 through $19.95 Choose color & size This product has multiple variants. The options may be chosen on the product page -
The Chief Head Garment-Dyed Tee
Price range: $19.56 through $24.43 Choose color & size This product has multiple variants. The options may be chosen on the product page -
Shit 4 Men Throne Logo Tee
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Courtesy Flush? Never Heard of Her Tee
Price range: $15.08 through $19.95 Choose color & size This product has multiple variants. The options may be chosen on the product page -
Beer Me, Damn It Tee
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Don’t Touch My Fucking Grill Tee
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Fresh Out of Fucks Tee
Price range: $15.08 through $19.95 Choose color & size This product has multiple variants. The options may be chosen on the product page -
Stay Crude Garment-Dyed Tee
Price range: $19.56 through $24.43 Choose color & size This product has multiple variants. The options may be chosen on the product page
Who's in charge here
Who the Hell Is The Chief?
A man in mirrored aviators, a salt-and-pepper goatee and a black tee, running an empire from a toilet he spray-painted gold. He's lost every argument with his wife, owns four tape measures he can't find, and has opinions about your thermostat. He's not here to fix you. He's here to roast you, and himself, with love.
Get to know the bastardPodcasts
Stupid-Ass Podcasts
Whenever The Chief grabs a mic, it lands here. No schedule. No filter. No refunds.
All episodesNo episodes yet. The Chief is "warming up the mic," which means he's in the bathroom.
The Blog
Fresh From the Throne
New posts every Wednesday and Sunday, written in one sitting. Sometimes two. Grills, garages, marriage, dad shit, work bullshit and the Man Rules. Pull up a seat. Your legs will fall asleep. Worth it.
Rants
Daylight Saving Time Can Kiss My Whole Ass
Twice a year, the entire country agrees to lie about what time it is. And somehow I'm the one who has to fix the clock in the truck.
Marriage & Other Hostage Situations
“Where Is It?” — Why Nothing in This House Is Where I Left It
I've lost my keys, my wallet, my reading glasses and my will to live. She found all four in under a minute, without getting up.
Dad Shit
Thermostat Wars: A Dad’s Last Stand
It's 68 degrees. It's always been 68 degrees. It will be 68 degrees until the day I die, and then you can set it wherever you want, you animals.
Grill & Garage
The Garage Fridge: A Love Story
She's old. She's loud. She's the wrong color for any decade. And she's the most loyal companion a man has ever had.
The Throne Room
Bathroom Reading Is Literature and I Will Die on This Throne
The library had Plato. I have a dog-eared trivia book with a coffee stain on page 41, and I've learned more on the throne than I did in four years of school.
Carved in porcelain
Throne Room Rules
- You do not leave one beer in the cooler. Finish it or leave enough for a real drink.
- If a buddy is moving, you help him move. Payment is pizza and beer. That's the contract.
- The urinal buffer zone is sacred. Eyes forward. No talking.
- You return the tool cleaner than you borrowed it. Break it, buy the good one.
- Never ask another man what he paid for his truck. He paid too much. We all did.
- One man at the grill. If you want to help, bring him a beer and step back two paces.
If she says "ok" with no punctuation, start the truck.
— The Chief, from the throne